Headaches
by AnimeWarrioress 359
Summary: A new breed of Akuma equals headaches Sending Kanda to Hogwarts equals headaches Wizards' arrogance and bad penmanship equals headaches Sending in Allen afterwards equals headaches Over-nosy Golden Trio eqauls headaches. Then unwanted people arrive. Later Yullen. Rated T for lots of swearing Some limes or lemons maybe in later chapters
1. Chapter 1

Headaches

A new breed of Akuma= headaches Sending Kanda to Hogwarts= headaches Wizards' arrogance and bad penmanship =headaches Sending in Allen afterwards=headaches Over-nosy Golden Trio= headaches. Then unwanted people arrive. Yullen

_**I know I shouldn't but I couldn't help myself. Anyway here's my new story.**_

Chapter 1- Oh So I'm To Be A DADA Professor

Kanda stared at the Supervisor blankly, OK it was official the man had finally cracked. After all it wasn't like the guy wasn't bonkers already but yeah he had finally tipped over the edge, Komui was completely fucked up in head. So yeah he stared blankly at the man who was smiling cheerfully at him like he totally wasn't asking him to do a ridiculous action or believe this cock-a-bull story of wizards, witches and magic that the man had spent the past twenty minutes fabricating although a new breed of Akuma was a nice interesting touch he'd give the nut that.

"No" he replied staring down at Komui's outstretched hand, because why on earth would Komui ask Kanda Yuu to wave a magic wand like some low-rate children magician to satisfy his fanciful whims. Komui surely knew that the Moyashi or the Usagi would be a far better choice. Heck even one his Scientist stooges would make a million times more sense.

"C'mon Kanda take it and give it a wave" Komui coaxed shaking the stick in his face. Kanda looked around the room, thinking that maybe this was a prank because he actually didn't want the Supervisor to be carted off to a madhouse prison who knows what jackass of a stooge the Vatican would send in his place, there were enough jackasses (himself) and stooges (Link) as it is.

Kanda was in a rare mood (try once in a blue moon cause like seriously has anyone seen the moon blue) of joviality so he decided to humour the possibly mentally unstable man and took the stick. Nothing happened. He stared at Komui with a what-the-fuck look. Why was he here again, oh yeah some random Finder had told him that Komui needed him probably for a mission.

"Well give it a wave" Komui instructed completely oblivious (or maybe just ignoring) Kanda's look. Kanda huffed his rare jovial mood was fast disappearing into the ether but he did as the increasingly likely cracked man said. He got a shower of midnight blue sparks for his trouble.

Kanda raised an eyebrow that was it? If the now exceedingly likely cracked man had dragged him in here and wasted his time just for a stupid party trick someone, was well he wasn't sure what someone was going to get but it was going to be unpleasant that was for sure. Subconsciously his other hand strayed towards the hilt of his sword.

So too busy musing as to what punishment he would dish out Kanda utterly missed the jubilant look on Komui's face because the sparks should not have warranted that ecstatic a look. Kanda was wholly unaware that with just a flick of his wrist he had sealed his fate.

And that is how one hour later he found himself in a square cupboard sized room with a chair, a table and books. Oh and the bloody stick that he waved around like a fricking loony.  
The books were everywhere. They covered the table leaving no square inch of space; they filled the floor space so completely he couldn't even tell if the flooring was stone or wood. And the books was mind-numbingly dull the words horribly spelt and often the books were hand-written and the writing was sometimes barely legible the ink smudged or faded with the letters running into each other.

It also didn't help that the training itself was getting ridiculous, there is only so much of the stick waving, and jabbing and slashing and flicking that he could take then the messed-up pronunciations of the fricking mumbo-jumbo he was forced to utter. And the condescending tone of Komui so wasn't helping. So he told Komui so.

"If you do not shut up you _will_ get a close up view of what your innards look like."

Komui only sported the now familiar condescending look, "Now Kanda, I know this is all frustrating, but you have to get this down to pat for your next mission, or else you'll be like an idiot. Is that what you want?" before walking away giving the grumpy (and turning homicidal) exorcist his space. The Chinese man rather liked his entrails inside his body. Kanda scowled deeply then buried his head back into the dusty old book and started waving his hand around with the bloody stick, (a wand the Order has filched off a dead witch centuries ago) just as the book instructed.

Kanda was having a headache just looking at the pages and he was supposed to memorize this shit.

Thirty minutes later and he was going a mental rampage decimating all he blamed for his predicament, Komui right up there on the Number One spot of his list.

This was impossible, how the fuck was one supposed to cram in YEARS worth of magical knowledge in one month? How in the seven hells was he supposed to gain enough knowledge to pass himself off as a Defence Against the Dark Arts Professor in one FUCKING MONTH? It was **fucking impossible**.

Like seriously what the fuck was with these wizards, Kanda stared at the book disbelievingly, did they get a kick out making up wishy-washy words and terrible spelling, he was pretty damn sure Magic never had a k and what's with all the extra e's at the end of words.

He slammed shut the tome, (he had enough of looking at spells that he would never use) and opened up a newest looking volume of the stacks –**multiple** underlined and in bold, the room was buried in them. This edition was early 1900's according to the publishing date and it looked as if it had contained important info, ignoring the stupid fanciful title: A Neophyte's Guide to Terrible Spells, Forbidden Curses and the Dastardly Dark Arts.

…_._

_Among all the evil curses there are three that are more malevolent than any other, these are named the Unforgivables. The Unforgivable Curses are as follows The Imperius Curse; __**Imperio**__- a decisive slash and a strong will, which allows the castor to bend and force the subject to do whatever they want. Many crimes are often unsolved due this curse. The Cruciatus Curse; __**Crucio- **__the will to cause the subject a copious amount of pain, is__a curse that causes unimaginable agony to the subject. So strong the pain it's been claimed it can even drive the subject to insanity. Then the most evil of all them all, the Killing Curse; __**Avada Kerdarva, **__as the name clearly states usage of the curse causes the subject to die. There is no sign or evidence of this curse aside from the corpse. Any usage of any three of these spells means instant incarceration into the most foul of all prisons Azkaban. _

Kanda (wonders what an actual useful book despite fanciful language could do to one's temper) leaned back frowning; wizards had it so easy, too easy. It was literally wave a magic wand, hocus pocus and hey presto deed done. Then he shrugged, not his problem, he's just there to investigate that new Akuma breed that had sprung up in the wizarding community, and it was to be him simply because he met the requirements.

That still pissed him off, that of course _only he_ had the right requirements to do this farce of an exorcist's job. It couldn't be a Finder since one had to be magical to be able to assimilate into the wizarding community and it seemed Innocence was 'magical' enough to do that. So this reconnaissance mission fell to an Exorcist.

Krory had already got a mission and had jet-setted off somewhere to Romania, or was it Russia, Allen wasn't due back from his mission for another two months and the other Exorcist's were away on missions he figured or incarcerated in the infirmary.  
But it was Lenalee's and Miranda's cases that really pissed him off. For some jacked off reason they hadn't reacted with the stupid sticks and he did which was stupid as he was **not** a wizard (like Vatican _duh _would make sure of that) so the only 'magical' thing about him was his Innocence which was what the bloody stick was supposed to and had reacted to.  
So Lenalee with her Crystal Innocence should be far more 'magical' than him. Komui theorized it may be because he was a Second Exorcist but Kanda honestly didn't give a shit why he was the only one the stinking wand deemed 'magical' enough and that was all that was needed to piss him off.

So that was the reason as to why he was stuck, trapped in a room trying to cram a bunch of, in the long run, fucking useless knowledge. Fuck, the shit he had to for the Order. Although, his evil mind crackled, some practical practice will be needed and who better to aid him than his fellow colleagues. A smoky blasted Komui from the receiving end of a spell come to mind and he smirked. With that in mind he dove into the following pages

A fortnight later

Kanda groaned into his pillow, a pounding ache in his head that refused to subside. Today had been awful. He never wanted to see another book again, for life. Now that a good portion of a Library and a multitude of hours of practice had been drummed into his very being (he was leaving to assimilate himself into wizarding world in two days) it had occurred to him, that he had to teach this shit to a bunch of snot-nosed brats. He could barely handle/stand the Moyashi who was only a few years his junior in society practically the same age. How the fuck was he going to deal with fucking brats some half his age? Lord help us all, Kanda groaned internally, his headache getting increasingly bigger.

**Komui's theory about Kanda being a Second Exorcist is right. The wand would react to the 'magical' influence of Innocence but with that reasoning Equip Type Exorcists would never be wizards or witches except when synchronizing. As Kanda is a Second Exorcist it ties up that loophole.  
The Order has books on the wizarding community because they had been aware of them since like forever. They in fact have great if distant and very rarely used influence over the community (something that I will explain and show in later chapters). Their connections are strong if only used to mask their own presence. Usage of their connections is only used to contain, hide or placate (ish) the wizarding community when the Exorcist's exploits leaks out.  
For those wondering Lavi was out on Bookman Apprentice business, sorry but only Kanda, Allen, and _occasionally_ Lenalee ****(VERY occasionally) and by proxy ****Komui**** will be the Protagonist Exorcist characters that will feature in this story from D-Gray Man. The others will probably only be mentioned in passing.**

**This story was inspired by Fight the Good Fight, Finish the Race by jessicaknows.**


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: I HIGHLY SUGGEST YOU READ THIS AND NOT JUST SKIP PAST ME LIKE I WOULD, YES YOU WITH THE FINGER ON THE MOUSE SCROLL STOP AND READ!**

**Basically this is warning that nothing in this chapter happens, there is no forwarding of the plotline in fact none of the characters appear or do anything. And before you press the quit button this IS a important chapter cause if you skip you'll be very confused as to why Kanda's (and later on Allen) will be doing what they doing and why everyone is assuming a lot of things and such cause it explains Kanda's cover story in great detail and the connections between the Black Order Exorcists and the Wizarding Community. **

**So yeah READ! Cause I ain't explaining this twice.**

Unseemingly yet Intricately Linked

Like Muggles, Wizards have their own Secret Department in the Ministry the most public of them the Department of Mysteries. However there is an utterly secret organization _"within"_ (a very loose term) that excluding the Prime Minister and the most trusted from him Cabinet, that NO ONE knows the existence of. Many a wizard and witch who've worked the majority of their life at the ministry have happily –or not so happily- gone about their business without a single whisper or rumour of their existence. They were ignorant of the Black Order, for that was what they were called.

The Black Order was above the law, as they were hardly under of the jurisdiction of anyone, they were a law unto themselves and didn't answer to anyone or at least anyone within or known by the Ministry. They rarely ever involved themselves in wizarding exploits, even when Voldemort reigned they did nothing and it wasn't as if the Prime Minister of the time could somehow request their assistance if he couldn't even contact them. It was very much you don't go to them they go to you.

Furthermore there's a Division in the Department of Mysteries that even those working in that Department know near nothing about. It was simply dubbed the Cleaners and it was generally assumed (and assumed correctly) that the Cleaner's job was to clean up accidents and do damage control so it was presumed between the DoM's workers that the Cleaner Division was similar in work of the Department of Magical Accidents and Catastrophes only instead of cleaning up accidents so it's kept out of the Muggles' knowledge, the Cleaners made sure it didn't reach _anyone's_ ears. What exactly they 'cleaned' no outsider knows.

Now everyone knows of the Great Three European Wizarding Academies: Hogwarts, Beaxbatons and Durmstrang, however there are plenty of other less illustrious schools and institutes that teach magic, all around the world. Rosakurosu Academy (or Rose Cross) of Alternative Combative Wizardry is one of them. It claims to be founded in Italy somewhere, sometime in the Early Hundreds when Magic School were first being conceived and what exactly they taught well the best answer anyone will be able to find about this strangely very exclusive secretive and discreet school is that they teach Alternative Combative Wizardry. Not that anybody really went about asking about the syllabus of a no-name school that no-one has ever heard of.

These three organisations, the Cleaners, the Black Order and Rosakurosu Academy are unseemingly yet intricately linked much to the ignorance of everyone else. So from thus springs forth Kanda Yuu's cover story and past. First and foremost he was a top not-so-recent graduate from Rose Cross and his former principal, Principal K. Lee with contacts through the British Ministry managed to land him the yearly vacant Hogwarts Professor of DADA Job and if all goes well that should be all he'll ever need.

Seeing as RC taught Alternative Combative Magic that easily explained away the sword that is forever strapped to his hip. However if things get 'dicey' (What the fuck was those monster?! Why were you the only one who could defeat them?!) then he was to admit with _severe_ reluctance that Rose Cross Academy is actually the training ground for the Black Order and Alternative Combative Wizardry was really a moniker for Exorcism, because that he's trained for: to exorcist demons.

He was NOT a Monster Hunter. (Claiming that status it turned out, would cause unnecessary and unlikely to be found and completed paperwork, which in turn would cause a lot of hassle and some preventable holes in his cover story).

If anyone was to ask, and they would if the situation ever arrive to that stage, why the fuck a supposedly newly graduated (let them keep their assumptions) Exorcist was posing at Hogwarts as a Professor then he was to explain the whole reconnaissance precaution against the new breed of akumas mission. However at no point should truth of Innocence ever come up, the wizarding world should continue thinking of it as a branch of Magic, in fact the Wizarding World should be under the impression that Black Order Exorcists were a strange type of Wizards and not some sort of Hand-Picked Favoured of God Cult.

If for whatever reason more was needed or the story wasn't holding up then Kanda was to claim he needed his superiors permission to reveal more and do the whole, That's Classified, on them.

**So yeah that's it.  
Don't worry will return back to the story and progress the story. So Happy Reading.**

**I don't really expect any reviews since technically nothing happened but I'll be glad to answer any questions.**


	3. Chapter 3

Sticks and Kanda May Break My Shop

Kanda was sitting at a table at the Leaky Cauldron sipping a cup of plain mineral water (the pumpkin juice was not something he was willing to venture and try and as if he was going to befuddle his senses drinking beer, especially beer from butter. One did not have to be a genius to know how that would taste like). All fees were to be charged to the Black Order. On his table was a series of folders, files in fact that explained everything and everyone he needed to know about in the modern day wizarding community, which included their farce of a civil war. The time spent in the Order gave him the hip-hash knowledge of a newbie Defence against the Dark Arts Professor whereas the time he was spending here was to gain all those every day tidbits of life most wizards took for granted.

These files he suspected had been compiled from sources in the Wizarding Community and at first Kanda wondered why _these_ guys didn't just infiltrate the fucking school when he read later on that like standard akumas they were impervious to magic, thus if there was an attack from the fucking new breed the wizards could have had a fucking army and the best they could do was wave those bloody sticks and hope to minimise casualties.

Talking about bloody sticks, Kanda fished out the wand in his pocket and glared vehemently at it. He knew in him mind he sounded like a fucking loony but he swore this wand disliked him, like it was trying to rebel against him or something, which was utter fucking nonsense since it was just a bloody stinking stick of wood, a fucking twig for god's sake, and it worked perfectly fine at the beginning. Said freaking twig started to spurt angry red sparks burning his hands and causing him to wince.

_Screw this shit_, the wand at the very least was faulty. He got up from him table stuffing the wand roughly into his pocket and went in search for a new, better one.

_**Ding**_. "Hello, bit old for a Hogwarts first year aren't you." It was well, an old man who was balancing on a rickety ladder and was organising a stack of boxes. The stacks coupled with the whole 'old-age' vibe hand Kanda mentally blanching at the scene all too familiar to that severe headache inducer of a room. The man clambered down the ladder and faced Kanda properly.

The Old Man had white hair that rivalled the Moyashi's, clear visible proof that the beansprout did indeed have old man hair. Though Moyashi's hair was more soft probably silk like, unlike this wiry stringy hair he was faced with. No not silk like maybe more fluffy like snow, yeah snow white locks that he continuously grew out, those moonlight tresses that begged to have fingers run through them….

_**Screech**_

His trail of thought skidded to a stop. Kanda shook his head, what the fuck was that? Before pushing it to the back of him mind promptly forgotten.

"Now how may I help you" Kanda broke out of his musings and gruffly spoke, "This wand it's faulty" palming the wand and presenting it to the Old Man. "Why what's wrong with it?" The Old Man asked picking it up and looking it over. Kanda shot the man a hooded look: 'if I knew what was wrong with it I would have fucking said'. "It doesn't work, keeps resisting spells and f-playing up". Mr Ollivander hummed and then said, "Wingardium Leviosa" and a pile of boxes went flying and settled into nice neat stacks. Kanda was slightly impressed even if he made no show of it. He was impressed because 1) the spell worked fine and 2) though he had practiced magic in preparation it was the first time he had seen someone else perform it and he could tell the skill level between him and Old Man was big, so maybe this magic malarkey took some talent and skill even if in his opinion it was still bloody stick waving.

"Everything seems to be in order, a perfectly workable wand" Ollivander claimed turning the wand over in his hand. Kanda scowled, fuck he was stuck with this shitty wand, and grumpily he was about to take the wand from the wizard walk out of the shop when the wand once again generated red sparks.  
Mr Ollivander called out, concern now lacing his voice, "Sir, is that your wand?" Kanda turned round his default scowl in place. "I mean, you're the owner of this wand, you use it?" "Yes".

The Old Man looked shocked and faster than he believed possible for an elderly wizard the Old Man snatched the wand from his hands tutting as he went round back, "No, no, no never have I seen such an ill-fitted wand for a wizard, Sir how did you come about to acquiring this wand?" Kanda inwardly frowned, telling the truth was out of the question: his organisation nicked it off a dead witch who died in suspicious circumstances, centuries ago.

Yeah, no.

"It was given to me, a sort of inheritance". There that was close enough to the truth and believable enough. The Old Man shot him a look as if trying to read through his lies as he passed him an object into his hand. Kanda stared right back. Then before he could check what exactly he was holding it was swapped to something else. Wait a wand? "10 ½ inches made from elm tree, a dragon heart string core, unyielding, well give it a wave." Kanda stared dumbfounded, dragon heart string? Shrugging it off as a wizard thing he flicked the wand and a loud boom cracked round the room. "Clearly not" and the Old Man took the wand and a few seconds later gave him another one, "12 inches blackthorn, phoenix feather, stiff. A very practical wand" Ollivander rattled off. Kanda tuned him out giving the wand a wave. This scene was too familiar. A gale blew through the room knocking stacks of boxes and wands over and they rolled all over the place. "Nope give this a try".

7minutes later and Kanda was _this_ close to Mugen this old fool. A part of him wondered why the fuck he hadn't, all he was doing was wasting time. Another part of him answered this was the best fun he was gin got have through this pre-mission study period, and he was taking a sadistic and vindictive pleasure in systematically destroying this shop in surprising and interesting ways, spell by spell- which was kind of sad if you thought about it, which, being Kanda, he didn't.

"Ok try this" the Old Man seemed rather apprehensive handing the black wand over to the young man. Kanda took it, noting it was different from every other wand. From this wand he actually felt a sense of power. He gave the wand a wave and to his utter surprise a single lotus flower bloomed from the end of the wand, "15 ¾ inches, Elder with a Phoenix Core, unyielding" The Old Man looked Kanda straight in the eye, "Wands of Elder are the rarest of all wands in fact only there is one other Elder Wand that I believe is currently in usage and the person that it's rumoured to be in possession of is none other than Albus Dumbledore. Combining that with a phoenix feather what you have there is a very powerful wand. Use it wisely". Kanda was tempted to just brush off the warning but a niggling voice reminded him to at least heed the warning. The Old Man didn't seem to be prone to melodrama. Kanda respectfully nodded his head in acknowledgement.

"Very well, that'll be seven Galleons" Ollivander said. "Charge it to the Black Order, Ministry" and Kanda walked out of the shop, the wand resting in one of the pockets of his coat.

It was later on as he was about to go to bed that he realised that maybe a wand was to a wizard what Mugen was to him. A tiny bit of shame washed over him as he remembered calling the wand a bloody fucking stick then he imagined someone calling Mugen that. He suddenly felt like a dumb ass jerk and miffed that he hadn't realised till now.

"Well duh, BaKanda, you're such an idiot" he ignored the Moyashi-esque voice in his head, especially the fact he had a Moyashi-esque voice in his head.

**AN: So yeah this was all about Kanda's wand. Again not much plot wise but it had to be done. Kanda's wand was not simply just random choosing of powerful materials a lot of thought went into it.**

**Elder: They contain powerful magic, but scorn to remain with any owner who is not the superior of his or her company. Does this temperament sound familiar much?  
Phoenix: most independent and detached in the world. These wands are the hardest to tame and to personalize, and their allegiance is usually hard won. Again sound familiar much.**

**Sourced from harry potter wikia .com**


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